A conundrum called life

A loving couple were blessed with a little devil. They named him “Stuart”. The dad wanted a Stewie in the family and of course, the mother wouldn’t mind their own Stuart Little in the house. (Family Guy and Stuart Little references).

Stuart always cried louder when his parents were around. He always laughed when he wanted something. Stuart was learning the ways of society quickly. It didn’t take him long to figure out how to manipulate folks around him.

Life seemed easy but he couldn’t fathom why his “captors” a.k.a. parents were always around, what did they want him from him. Of course, he was too young to understand that he was just a toy for adults and they had him because they were bored with life.

Meanwhile, the parents were also fed up of the sleepless nights and the constant music that came out of Stuart’s vocal folds.

Jack (the dad) : How long till he grows up?

Vanessa (the mother) : I know, right? Why do they not even know how to feed and/or clean themselves? Maybe we should have dropped the idea. I wonder what do you think now?

Jack: He’s doing okay. I hope he’ll be moving out soon. How old does he have to be before he leaves?

Vanessa: Jack, he’s 2!

Jack: I wonder if he’s a miracle child and will grow up much sooner.

Vanessa: Jack, he’s 2! Only 2! And please the band has started playing, I can’t wait till the vocalist moves out. Shut him up.

Stuart was always amused when he saw his parent’s face when he pooped and they had to clean him. He thoroughly enjoyed the theatrics they displayed, which is why, he continued it for what seems like a century for his parents.

Stuart is 6 now. He has some friends at school and in the neighborhood. He soon noticed the chronic display of affection by his “captors” in front of newer faces. The enigma of their intentions still bothered him, but now he had more faces to get distracted. One day, he heard Vanessa and Jack discussing if they should kill a new kid.

Jack: Stuart is nice, sweet chap. Surely, he can use a company.

Vanessa: I haven’t slept properly for 7 years now. Now that things are getting better, I can’t imagine taking care of another child till they’re old enough to leave us.

Jack: Do you want to kill someone who hasn’t seen our world yet?

Vanessa: I just want some peace, which I’ve been bereft of. Ever since Stuart came into our lives, it’s been difficult. And all for what?

(Stuart listened intently, for he was about to know the reason they wouldn’t let him go anywhere alone.)

Jack: If you feel that way, let’s go ahead with it and Stuart will never know what it’s like..to have a sibling. We will not bring his sibling into this world.

Stuart had understood everything by now and the only way he could get a sibling was by killing Vanessa, after all, she was going to kill his sillin-or-whatever-that’s-called. Stuart asked himself if he really wants a “sillin” and the answer, almost instantly, was in affirmative. He spent next two hours watching The Looney Tunes and that’s when he noticed Elmer Fudd using something..a gun for hunting. With a sharp mind like his, Stuart knew that’s what he’s going to use to do away with the soft one (Vanessa). He saw Jack with one on a vacation.

With gun control being the least of USA’s concern, in fact, they’re making it easier for mentally unstable folks to get one, it’s not surprising that Jack had a gun with himself.

The next entire week, Stuart planned to fake a injury in front of Vanessa, use chilli power mixed with water to pretend it’s blood and a gun hidden in his pocket to end it all. He was going to pull the trigger when she comes to comfort him. With rest of the plan being fool-proof, all he needed was Jack’s gun. Luckily, one day, he got hold of it. It looked different from what he recollected about the hunting gun, but as long as it works, he was good to go!

That day, he told his school sweetheart that he might be gone for a few days and asked her to wait for him, to which, she exclaimed that she is hungry and wants his share of the cake.

Stuart went home to find himself alone with Vanessa, as expected. She was on the couch, watching a sports channel. He knew that was his chance and he started screaming, pointing towards his leg which was covered with a weird thick red paste. While she approached him hurriedly, Stuart remembered everything about shooting a gun, everything he could remember from watching Looney Tunes, that is. He pulled the gun out and shot at Vanessa as soon as she touched his knees. But she didn’t die.

She looked perplexed and almost screamed at him asking why did he take his gun to school. The dart had hit her on the face. And she slapped Stuart bountiful. She took him to the bathroom and washed him. Meanwhile, Stuart’s plan had failed. But he was no loser. Next time!


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