Friendzoned? Are You?

About “friendzoned” urban dictionary rightly says: “friendzoned is basically a preemptive rejection where people get too comfortable with someone and see them as only a special conversation/sharing info partner ‘a friend’ and unconsciously reject the person as a sexual opportunity and would be shocked and appalled if that was brought up.” Recently, I was asked this question by someone and I simply didn’t know how to explain. After some attempts, did he actually understand what being “friendzoned” really meant. Not shockingly, he wasn’t surprised, since the phenomenon is as common as girls being present in the vicinity, yes, that prevalent.

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Let’s start with basics. We live in a world full of human beings who can be broadly divided into: men and women. (Both being predictable to a large extent yet both the types are still largely surprised by each other and this has been going on since centuries.) And interaction between them is necessary and only natural. Not everyone handles the interaction very well.

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Guys have their BroCode to adhere too, and there are rumors about a ChickCode too (some articles have been quoted in the BroCode itself.)

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Some just ignore the other person’s gender and act the same with everyone; some might wisely program themselves to be able to filter some things out when talking to girls or in presence of girls so that they can’t possibly take offense; some just avoid the awkward contact with the opposite sex, as in totally don’t talk to girls unless it can’t be avoided. (I personally fall in the first category mentioned.) There could be more possibilities too.

Nonetheless, the most lethal act of attachment between a guy and a girl would be falling in love. Deadly, when it is one-sided, and worse still, when it is mutual and they start dating, and everyone knows what happens after that. (Marriage: may God save us from that, or a Break Up: may God save us from that too unless we are the one dumping the other one. 😛 ) But since you wouldn’t know which direction your love will take, you would wanna be dating the love of your life before the sudden realization will down upon you that love is the biggest scam of all times. (I shouldn’t get carried away, I’ll write another blog post about it.)

Getting back, let’s just suppose you’re a guy who has many female friends as well as male friends. And one of the female friends considers you a really good friend. She’d talk to you loads, she’d tell you about every freaking nail of hers that got chipped, she’d tell you about her crushes, and the criteria for her ideal guy. And listening to that, you’d think “Woah, that’s precisely me.”

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And then she might utter kind words like, “You’re not like other guys”, “You’re really nice”, “You have a special place in my heart/world/life.” or “I can’t imagine my life without you.” or the likes. And still wouldn’t consider dating you. You’re the exclusive mattress she sleeps on when she can’t sleep on her bed. You’re the pet she owns but never feeds herself. You’re the ATM card she doesn’t even own yet spends more than you do. If three or more of these criteria match your current situation, congratulations, you’re FriendZoned.

Essentially, she has assumed that you two can’t ever date and will always be at most “friends” without even considering any such possibility at the first place. Meaning, no matter what you do now, you’re never getting out of the Friend Zone and now you have to hunt for someone else. She just wouldn’t budge.

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What becomes of this very commonly is a severe heartbreak. How? Let’s see. Miss A and Mr. B are super close good friends for quite some time now. Mr. B never showed any interest in dating her but thinks since they’re so great together, that’d be awesome. Miss A thinks, “Wow, great friend! I should keep him in reserve so that when everyone else is busy, he’d be there to talk to me. (But since I know him so well now, there’s no element of surprise, hence nothing interesting can come out of anything else.)” Since everyone is busy, only he manages to take time out for her, she talks to him endlessly daily until he finally asks her out, and she is literally taken aback and shocked and totally traumatized with the way the events unfolded in front of her, the only guy she ever trusted and shared everything with, also turned out to be possibly perverted and not to mention a douchebag for even thinking about it. This, my friend, is a classic example of a heart-break because of being friendzoned.

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I hope none of the guys reading this ever get friendzoned by anyone. Also, I personally think there’s no coming back from the FriendZone and don’t think all of you can be Chandler and come outta the zone like a Boss.

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Monika liked him during college too, so perhaps her dormant feelings sprouted. (I am assuming you have seen F.R.I.E.N.D.S, in case you haven’t kindly do for humanity’s sake. ) Clearly, “once FriendZoned, FriendZoned forever” is what we, girls believe in.

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